Introductory Letter
Dear Professor Brad,
My name is Shannyn and I am a first year engineering student attending your effective communication module. Just this May, I graduated
from Temasek Polytechnic with a Diploma in Integrated Facility Management.
I have passed the Fire Safety Manager Course and certified Business Continuity Foundation. Despite my engineering background,
I have a great interest for the humanities. Hence, I undertook extra modules in psychology, sociology and heritage studies.
from Temasek Polytechnic with a Diploma in Integrated Facility Management.
I have passed the Fire Safety Manager Course and certified Business Continuity Foundation. Despite my engineering background,
I have a great interest for the humanities. Hence, I undertook extra modules in psychology, sociology and heritage studies.
What I love most are travelling and food. Being able to see, feel and hear the whole world outside of little Singapore helps me to broaden my horizons.
Also, I love trying out all the different types of cuisines from all over the world.
Also, I love trying out all the different types of cuisines from all over the world.
During my internship with Changi Airport Group, I gained valuable knowledge in managing airport operations. Upon graduation,
I hope to manage airport facilities not only locally but overseas as well. In the long run, I aspire to be a lecturer and give back
to society; my knowledge and expertise.
I hope to manage airport facilities not only locally but overseas as well. In the long run, I aspire to be a lecturer and give back
to society; my knowledge and expertise.
One of my strength would be being able to converse easily with others. I love interacting with different kinds of people.
Whilst in the airport, a huge part of my job is to communicate with passengers from all over the world and hence,
being able to develop this strength of mine.
Whilst in the airport, a huge part of my job is to communicate with passengers from all over the world and hence,
being able to develop this strength of mine.
Having to speak in front of a large crowd is one of my weakness as I feel I am unable to fully grasp their attention.
I tend to be a little nervous when speaking out. When speaking in front of crowds, I appear rigid.
I tend to be a little nervous when speaking out. When speaking in front of crowds, I appear rigid.
Therefore my goal is to build up my confidence when speaking in front of others. To become a speaker that is not only confident but fun and engaging.
Another goal of mine is also to learn how to communicate effectively with my audience. How to grasp their attention and interact with them.
Another goal of mine is also to learn how to communicate effectively with my audience. How to grasp their attention and interact with them.
I look forward to learning more knowledge and skills from this module that will definitely be beneficial for me in school, work and society.
Regards,
Shannyn Tay
SIE2016 - T5
Dear Shannyn,
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing a detailed and easy to read introductory post. Below is my suggestion to edit your post:
- "outside of little Singapore" I think "tiny" will be a better word?
I hope you consider the mentioned suggestion. Thank you.
Regards,
Lok
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear Shannyn,
ReplyDeleteYou have done well for your introduction letter. It seems that we share the same interest, I am also interested in Psychology. I hope you would share some of your thoughts on Psychology when we meet.
Overall, I am really impressed with your writing structure but, it would be better if you could leave leave a line instead of two for your paragraphs. Thank you and see you in the next class.
Regards,
Nur Munirah
Dear Shannyn,
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing a comprehensive introductory.
Below are some of the points that you may wish to correct:
- "One of my strengths" instead of strength.
- "One of my weaknesses" instead of weakness.
You may also wish to review and better formulate sentences like the following:
- "To become a speaker that is not only confident but fun and engaging."
- "How to grasp their attention and interact with them."
Cheers,
NICHOLAS TANG
Dear Shannyn,
ReplyDeleteThank you for the detailed reflection. I really appreciate how informative this post is, with a view of letting us know what interests and inspires you. I especially respect your 'worldly view' and the aim to broaden your horizons. You do a good job of connecting your interests with your acreer goals as well.
It's interesting that you also mention your apparent lack of confidence in talking in public. I can see that in your hesitation to speak in class. Please allow me to challenge you: Make at least one comment or question in every class. After all, practice makes perfect.
One way to improve this letter is to refine your language use. A few language issues to consider include:
1. punctuation/phrasing
-- I aspire to be a lecturer and give back to society; my knowledge and expertise. >>> I aspire to be a lecturer and give back my knowledge and expertise to society.
2. sentence structure
-- Therefore my goal is to build up my confidence when speaking in front of others. To become a speaker that is not only confident but fun and engaging. Another goal of mine is also to learn how to communicate effectively with my audience. How to grasp their attention and interact with them. >>> (fragments) ?
-- Whilst in the airport, a huge part of my job is to communicate with passengers from all over the world and hence, being able to develop this strength of mine. >>> ?
Please see this website: https://www.lib.uoguelph.ca/get-assistance/writing/grammar-style/improving-your-sentence-structure
I look forward to learning more about you this term.
Cheers,
Brad